Reflecting on A Creature - 10 Years Later
A Creature was the first major creative project that I put into the world. I was young, full of gumption and ready to try with all my might. Unfortunately being young can also mean lacking perspective. I didn't know how hard it would be for me to get started, to juggle everything I wanted without financial security or experience.
A first project came with first lessons, which hurt more than anything I’d learned studying. I cringed at my mistakes. I had gained feedback from parents, but too late in the process to feel like I could include it in a meaningful way. I forgot to put a barcode on it, which I knew I needed to do, but I just felt so worn out by that point that I brushed it off. I completely underestimated the time and effort needed to market the book
At the time I was surrounded by people who saw creativity as capital so instead of the project being a joyous endeavour, as I’d intended, I felt mounting pressure to earn decent profit from the book.
In reality, not everyone liked the book. Some parents worried that the allusion to death would be upsetting. Teachers seemed to like that it created conversation. I managed to get A Creature into several independent book stores and many libraries across the country, but it was difficult to see that success when I was also showing up to book fairs and not selling a single book. I was so disheartened, and though I didn’t stop creating work, I gave up on sharing it.
The turning point for me was when I decided to sometimes give the book away. I visited my primary school, with a box of A Creature and read the book to a couple of classrooms. When the story finished, I announced that everyone was going to take their own copy home. A boy at the front of the class, who had listened most attentively to the story, held his copy in awe and said to me,
“This is great because it will be my first ever book that I have at home.”
That one moment was more important to me than any of the sales I had made and gave the whole project value again. I started to understand the immeasurable value that comes from creating work and sharing it with the world. The impact it can have on people’s lives.
Years later I am finally in a place where I’m surrounded by people who see creativity as valuable expression and connection. I feel full of gumption again and ready to unleash my work into the world. I can look back at A Creature now and see what I was trying to accomplish. I see a story that was carefully researched and mindfully written, illustrations that were brightly brushed and the courage of a young person to turn a dream into reality.
I’m proud of A Creature. I still think it is a lovely story, just the sort of picture book that I enjoy - even if not everyone likes it. I’m proud of the lessons it has continued to teach me and the place it takes as my first project. Now I’m ready for more!
